This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
