I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
