I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
