I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I FOUND THE LEGS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
