Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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