I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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