i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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