So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
