Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
