I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
