just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
