why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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