That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
