I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
