i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
