Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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