ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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