he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's always time for handjobs
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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