Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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