Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
