Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
