Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
