I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
