the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
