with your own penis?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
