so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
