Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
