I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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