hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
