It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
