Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
