So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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