dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
