It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
