I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
