Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
