He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
