i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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