Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
