Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
