new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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