Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
