Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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