you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
