Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
