your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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