I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize