Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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