oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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