i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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