I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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