my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
