we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
